It’s Been a Long Time

Oh hai.

It’s been a long time. So I will totally understand if you have all flounced me. But I wanted to check in and say a few things.

Ok? Ok.

Let’s start with the obvious problem at hand. The fact that I have been tormented with the constant question in regards to this blog – what happens now?

When this blog first began, well, for starters, it was found over on Blogger. Here to be exact.  It looks so sad over there now. Not updated since December 2011, post Breaking Dawn when we all thought the wait for another year would be hell on earth. And then it went by so fast.

And it’s kind of crazy because looking back at that old blog now – I look at the Must Read fanfics listed on the side bar and it’s kinda of crazy. Master of the Universe. Now 50 Shades of Grey and owning our universe. Emancipation Proclamation. Now Sempre and about to become a movie too. Under the Apple Tree. Still sacred as far as I know. Skip down the line to Edward Wallbanger. Now just “Wallbanger” and a package I’m eagerly awaiting from Amazon.

Funny how times change. And now there’s no new Twilight Saga movie to be excited about.

STILL not sinking in.

true story.

Which is why looking at this blog that I’ve struggled with what to do. It started out as an all things Twilight and Rob & Kristen blog. And I’m determined as hell to keep it as all things Rob & Kristen blog. Because I fucking love those two.

So this is what I’m going to do.

When something epic happens – I hope you will still come by and see what I have to say about it on here. Because guaranteed I will have shit to say.

me running off to blog

When an awesome Twi-fic owns everyones life – I will probably talk about it on here.

me when i’m obsessed with a new fic

When Rob and Kristen win Best Kiss for the 5th time at this year’s MTV Awards – you can bet your ass I will be talking about that shit on here.

I WILL SETTLE FOR NOTHING LESS ROB AND KRISTEN

So while the times are changing and we’re now going to be in a long filming drought – know that whenever our favorite couple do anything remotely epic – I’ll still be here.

Until then. Here’s just a few things to keep you busy if you so choose.

1) You can still follow all of my crazy fangirl antics at @takemetobliss. Due to my job in the media, I’ve got it on major lockdown so just send a follow request and unless you look like a corporate spy, a client, or a tech journalist – I will approve. Quick hint? I always unlock for Awards shows.

2) I tumble. A lot. And by tumble, I mean tumblr. You can follow all my reblogging over at takemetobliss.tumblr.com. I realized when I started my new job that I seriously lacked a lot of time to update both blogs (more on the other blog in a minute) so I started using tumblr more to quickly reblog pics. I got totally hooked. Now you will see a lot of Warm Bodies posts. I’m kind of obsessed. But there are still a lot of Rob and Kristen in the mix too.

3) Spreaking of Warm Bodies – if you are a fan, please know that I am attempting (with help from @kate_suena and @megshmegg who are cheering me on) a Warm Bodies one-shot (with potential to turn into more shots lol) If you are interested, keep an eye on my Twitter for the posting/updates.

4) Lastly, I still blog regularly over @ my personal blog found at crystalrichard.com – while you won’t find Twilight or Fanfic talk over there – you will find movie and book reviews, life rants, and award show live blogging. Next live blog? February 24th for the Oscars. It’s fun and I promise you will enjoy the ride.

That’s all for now. You guys are all amazing and I fucking love you.

Until next time.
C xx

When Fic Ruins My Life

So – I don’t have a lot of down time at all for fic anymore.

And it’s not just fic – don’t even get me started on actual books.

This was the last time I read a book:

 

hint: that’s a beach in Hawaii. Where I was in August.

I would like to go back to there now. And have one of those Kona Brewery Big Wave beers.

*cries*

BUT yeah.

Fic. Of course – I’m always right on top of anything from @Megschmegg because I’m lucky enough to get to text with this gal on the regular and she pretty much owns me with all her fic. Her Bella’s always the story of my own life it seems.

Another fic author that has owned me for years now? The amazing Rochelle Allison – you may know her as @roglows but yes.

Her fic ruins my life. 

NO SHE GOOGLED FANFIC INSTEAD.

Now. When I say “ruins my life” I mean in every freaking amazing way possible. I rate fic on its level of awesomeness which is – the degree to which the fic ruins my life. 

Because her Edward is always AMAZING. And he ALWAYS ruins men for me because no guy I meet could ever meet the standards I have set thanks to Rochelle. This fic is no exception.

I mean I need a date to a wedding in December. A fake boyfriend would totally suffice. But no.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE when you read fic

And yes.

One Gossip Girl scene summed up my life. I may not live on the Upper East Side but the drama is always just as good – I swear.

Anyway.

The point of this ramble that I’m going to end now because, well, I need to go keep reading this fic is:

If you have NOT read Rise –

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?

Which basically means – GO READ IT NOW.  And then come tell how perfect and awesome and how it’s ruining your life and/or making you resent your husband or boyfriend because they are not Masen.

Also.

I want a bodyguard for Christmas now. #thatisall

in the meantime here is hot rob and a toothpick. you’re welcome.

 

– C xx

 

Dear Whoever

Dear Whoever Created This,

I need you in my life, always. xo

This isn’t so much a post (there will be no discussion, no commentary, no ranting.) Well maybe a little ranting. But really, I just saw that MCA posted this on Twitter and had to share. Because lately – I’ve been in this weird place where I’m so busy and so dedicated that I just don’t have time to handle some craziness that’s unnecessary in my life. It takes very little to make me go ‘OMG STOP. STOP.‘ when people start crazy talking or attempt to waste my time. 

So to whoever created this.

Hi. Can we be besties? Because I need you as well as the person who created this to be in my life always.

FOREVER THIS.

Why?

Because you just get the voices in my head lately.

C xx

See? I told you this was going to be an insanely short and quick post. But HEY. You know what you should get excited about? The Return of MOO. Confused? Musings on Others – only the most inspirational blog for Kristen and Rob lovers ever created. So stay tuned to her Twitter for all the latest. I’m sure KJ is up to something amazing. xo 

feelings, feelings, feelings

Obvious spoilers if you haven’t seen the movie yet.

I went a bit extreme this year.

Not only did I go see BD2 four times in three days opening weekend #hardcorefangirl

If you do the math above (or not – i’m getting to the punch line here) – I actually went twice opening night.

This is like a whole new level of fangirling for me. And every time I’m all….

But the fact is – this is the end. This is it. There is nothing left to live for there is NO other movie after this.

This is now all we have of the Twilight Saga and it is DONE.

Chew on that for a moment.

So naturally I needed to go all out this year. I needed to do this movie (this Saga) that has rocked my world and ruined men and life for me all together for four years straight – absolute justice.

I have gone back and forth in my head about a system to doing this – to saying goodbye and reviewing it one last time – until I was all – fuck the system. Let’s just roll with this.

OH. If you are pressed for time and don’t want to read my detailed thoughts. There’s a 30 second rundown that I personally think is hilarious at the end. Cool? Cool.

So here we go. 

THE Opening

Feelings were felt during the opening. I’m actually ridiculously glad that unlike the previous movies – we had a long opening credits. Why? Because not only were the colours red and white really pretty and all the mountains and the frost and yeah – the long intro paired so perfectly with a medley of all the themes from every movie, gave me time to just mentally prepare myself for what was about to happen. It also gave me a chance to start sobbing before the movie even really started. #normal

SAME temperature

“We’re the same temperature now.” is officially in my eyes the worst line of the entire saga.

THE unf noise

You totally know what I’m talking about because I’ve noticed women lose their shit in the theatre every time it happens. Just after Edward says “It’s your turn not to break me.” he makes that UNF noise when she tugs him at her again. I basically die every time.

Admit it. You love the UNF.

THE running. the hunting.

I can’t. The music and the visual look of it – it’s what I’ve come to expect with this series but I still cringe every time. But seeing Bella tackle that cougar? Ok. It made up for the three minutes of awkward CGI effects prior.

 NO.

RENESMEE

So I’m just going to categorize all things Renesmee into this one blurb. I’m still not nuts about the kid. I disliked her in the book. I am known for repeatedly saying that I would have gladly taken the end of the book after the honeymoon and escaped without a half vampire half human blood drinking baby with creepy growth habits. But Stephenie Meyer didn’t do us that courtesy so we’re stuck with Renesmee.

And while creepy CGI baby freaked me out and looked downright alien-like in the piano scene (ultimately ruining it for me) McKenzie  was adorable. Even if she was too lazy to ever speak and just used her whole ‘let me creepily touch you’ thing all the time. My heart DID melt slightly when she said ‘hello Aro.’

JACOB the dog

One of my favorite non-Bella & Edward vamp sexing it up (more on that later) parts was definitely Bella dragging Jacob out of the house – followed by the “YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCHNESS MONSTER?” which was epic.

THE cottage

Slightly too Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (the Disney version not the version I’m still not comfortable watching and do not own – for obvious reasons) but what happened in said cottage……

THE vamp sex

Ok. I don’t know what it says about me that the longest blurb on this post will probably be about the vamp sex. It probably says that I’m a horny, perverted bitch. But whatever. Since when has that stopped me.

I LOVED the vamp sex. And while I know many were underwhelmed or disappointed or wanted more – well obviously we all wanted more. We wanted a full-blown NC-17 version if we could have had it our way. But this was a PG-13 movie written and produced by a mormon. And if you take that into consideration – I think we did pretty damn good.

I think the ever-awesome Meg (you may know her as @megschmegg) said it best when she texted me that she felt she was watching something she wasn’t suppose to be seeing. I now more than ever need my hands on an R/K sex tape like yesterday.

There are many a gifs circulating but because I don’t want to end up in jail cell – I’m not going to post them. But can I just say that the LEG TANGLE OF THE CENTURY may have been the death of me? I don’t know what is wrong with my wiring but for some reason that just about did me in. That and the perfect up-close shots of Rob’s jaw, Bella throwing her head back in pleasure and can we talk about the orgasm sparkles as I’m calling them?

Yeah. I went there.

ORGASM SPARKLES

AND. To top everything off – you know how you always have that favourite song on the soundtrack before you go to the movie and you’re all stressed out because you are nervous about where it will be placed in the movie (or where it won’t be placed. I’m still bitter about ‘Heavy in Your Arms’ getting put in the credits in Eclipse.) Well. ‘Fire in the Water’ was my FAVOURITE.

So naturally in the theatre I was all…..

But with popcorn – not macaroons

And to finish it all off with that naked tangling of limbs ( can you see my obsession with limbs tangled? I love it. It’s so hot.) in front of the fireplace?

Yeah. I loved the vamp sex.

MAGIC jacob

You know, like Magic Mike? When Jacob strips for Charlie? I laughed so hard it hurt. Which never happens at Twilight movies.

CHARLIE

Charlie is just forever breaking my heart with his sweetness and love for his daughter. Between his “you don’t turn into an animal” line, the “you’ve grown half a foot – seriously, like 6 inches” and  “woman knows her trout!” – I just love love love Charlie. And I’m going to miss him as a character terribly.

 

My love for this photo

THE piano scene

This for me was the biggest disappointment. I really didn’t like it. And I wanted to so badly. Because the original Edward playing the piano for Bella in Twilight was so perfect.

But I just couldn’t no matter how much I tried in this one. Renesmee looked way too creepy for me. And everyone just standing around watching like creepers just I don’t know – I get it. You’re vampires. You have nothing better to do than stand around for the rest of time but did EVERYONE need to stand around and watch?

THE Denalis (the 2 cool ones – not the bitchy betraying one)

I actually LOVED Kate and Tanya. Which is saying a lot because I’ve been conditioned to hate Tanya thanks to fic.

THE 1000000 other vamps

A lot of people were looking forward to all the vampires uniting in this movie. I was all – meh. Give me more vamp sex. But I did like a few of them. And Dracula 1 and Dracula 2 gave me the giggles and were a totally accurate throwback to the transylvania idea of vampires. But all the other vamps? It was information overload.

HOW about a bath

The biggest issue I had with BD2 (and please only take my bad comments as just that – comments. I freaking loved this movie) was that I wanted more Edward and Bella. But at least the alone scenes we did get with them – including the one of the two of them in the cottage and him all sexily trying to undress her – were perfect.

YES.

J jenks

One of the biggest scenes that I was looking forward to was when Bella goes to Seattle to see J. Jenks. And I loved it in the movie. But I really wish it could have been a little longer. And her outfit in that scene? I covet.

Yes.

WE love bonfires

Could we not have been spared the bonfire in exchange for more B&E? No? Bonfires where Vampires and Werewolves reflect on their lives and tell “war stories” is more important? Ok. Cool. Good to know.

BATTLES and twist endings

H’ok. So as per the fabulous Jess’ (she’s @luvmesumedward for all of you) recommendation after she saw the movie the night of the LA premiere (because she’s a big deal like that) she told me whatever I did NOT to spoil the ending for myself. And I’m glad I listened. Even if the stress caused in the theatre during the first viewing was enough to shave five years off of my life.

No big deal. Who needs five extra years?

Carlisle? That would have been the predictable choice IF they were going to kill a character off. His whole ‘thank you’ scene with Edward at the lame bonfire  bonfire almost foreshadowed the possibility of him getting killed off IF they wanted to go that route. Still. I was so distraught – I was ready to hand my fan card in at the door.

Jasper? That’s when I knew something was up. To me – it was believable they’d kill off Carlisle but not Jasper too. And then when they killed the wolves (which ps: was harder to watch then humans getting killed off) – I KNEW something was seriously up. And then I remembered my favorite movie of the summer.

Savages. And if you’ve seen Savages. You know what I’m talking about.

And then I was all – THIS WILL ALL BE OK.

With a side of  – DAMN YOU BD2 FOR GIVING ME ANXIETY.

ARO laughing

My reason for living. Ok not really. But it was absolutely epic and awesome and I just want it in my life all the time. #normal Michael Sheen is awesome in my eyes. I have loved him since this moment.

He can do no wrong. Nor could his laugh ever be wrong.

THE future is … weird

Quick question. Why does Renesmee STILL need to look awkward in the future vision Alice has? She’s going to be all grown up. How many of us look exactly like we did as kids. Could we not have had a pretty actress without CGI who doesn’t look all gimpy when walking? Thanks.

THE meadow.

Also known as time to sob like a child in the fetal position. Continued into the credits. The entire ending to this movie (and to this Saga) was perfect. I couldn’t have imagined it any better – unless it was longer because I could have stood to sob another twenty minutes or so in the theatre. No big deal.

I LOVED the homage to all of the previous actors. I love how they incorporated the pages of the book. I love how I actually hated ‘A Thousand Years’ in the original soundtrack and now I love the part 2 version because of this ending.

I love how I will still continue to cry about this being over twenty years from now and that’s ok.

So in short – as promised above for those of you with more important things to do with five minutes of your life then read the reasoning behind my ranting – I give you:

Breaking Dawn 2 in 30 Seconds

The opening made me cry. The CGI made me bad cry. Renesmee is creepy. Jacob needs to be treated like a dog all the time. The cottage lacked dwarves. The vamp sex had me all “LEGS. LIMBS. TANGLING. GOODBYE.” ORGASM SPARKLES. Jacob made me laugh for once. Charlie = the bomb.com. Piano scene ruined by alien child. Denalis are actually fun. Family reunions better with Dracula squared. Edward DOES take her clothes off better. I can watch Bella strut in Seattle all day long. Bonfires are lame. Battles give me anxiety. Aro’s laugh for president. Renesmee continues to look creepy in the future. The meadow forever brings the creys. HOLY SHIT THIS SAGA IS OVER. the end.

And now I hit post and go cry some more.

xx

BD2 Feelings & Thoughts is Coming – Just Not Tonight

So it’s been an intense week.

Our family lost a very close friend who will be missed terribly. The funeral was today and while it was beautiful it was also heartbreaking. Needless to say – I’m just an emotionally drained useless body tonight. Who plans on going to bed at 9:30 because that’s just how I feel.

While I was super pumped to talk Breaking Dawn 2 tonight – the post just isn’t there yet. 

I’ll post before the weekend is over and I thank you all for waiting just another day or two.

Right now. I just need this – including the Chuck so, you know, universe kick in any time now.

 

C xx

death by Breaking Dawn Pt.2

Hi.

It’s me.

And no – my absence is not due to death by Breaking Dawn Pt.2 although, in all honesty, that vamp sex leg tangle may have been the very near death of my existence.

I mean woah.

There’s a gif circulating. I don’t dare use it because I’d rather not end up in prison. I really can’t pull off orange. And I’m fairly certain that detachment from my iphone and Macbook would probably result in me handing over my sanity.

So no. I won’t post that gif but let’s say I haven’t gotten that excited about limb twisting since this happened last year.

where are my vampire diaries people at?

But in all honesty.

I’m saving my full Breaking Dawn 2 FEELINGS review for Friday but I will tell you this. Contrary to popular opinion (which seems to be on the fence or negative) I actually LOVED the vamp sex and I’m pretty sure it just about did me in.

Basically me but Stitch is much cuter.

Anyway.

This post is all to say – hi. I haven’t forgotten about you all. And I cannot WAIT to talk BD2.

I just want to properly convey all thoughts, feelings, flails, face palms (there were some – it IS a Twilight movie after all) and general feelings of intense emotions -> there were a lot of those.

OH. 

One more very important thing. Show of hands. IF I were to pick up a copy of this Canadian Exclusive magazine with a wicked feature on Rob and Kristen (we Canadians just love them so much, eh) how many of you would be interested in another giveaway?

Leave a comment. Tweet me.  Send a carrier pigeon. And say – hey! That’d be awesome! And if I get a good enough response – there will be a giveaway on here before Christmas. Unless you are all sick of giveaways. Then the people will have spoken. Or not spoken. Whatever.

Cool? Cool.

See you all Friday!

C xx

Forever Starts Tonight

Are you so ridiculous emotionally unstable given what’s going down tonight that you’re feeling out of the loop with reality?

Taylor is clearly out of the loop.

That’s ok. I’ve got you covered.

Here’s what’s happening.

The Twilight Saga is ending and I’m pretty sure this is what the Mayans were predicting was suppose to happen on December 22nd but then Summit didn’t like that date so they bumped it up.

Typical Summit forever screwing with us.

IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU ALL

But really. I summed up my thoughts about tonight from two perspectives last night:

The Fangirl Perspective

The My Name is Crystal. Im a Twilight Fan Perspective

The general theme is that – this is really ending but look how far we’ve come.

 

 

 

So tonight – take a page from my playbook.

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because it happened.

And then drink copious amounts of wine and pass out.

ENJOY!

xo

I want to hold your hand.

I hate to break it to all of you.

But the time has come.

For some of you reading this Wednesday night – you’ve got one more night of restless sleep in anticipation of what’s going down tomorrow.

For those of you reading this on Thursday? THIS IS IT PEOPLE.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO WATCH A TWILIGHT MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN.

EVER.

 

YEAH.

Take a moment to digest that.

And while you do – let’s talk the Breaking Dawn Part 2 London Premiere.

 

Hello Sexy Beautiful People

I was at work during the premiere.

Damn you UK people and your timezone. (I’m kidding – I really love you all.)

But yes –  I was busy working away when this went down but THANKFULLY the amazing Kate ( @kate_suena to some of you ) hooked our group of gals up via What’s App. Because she is having the time of her life in California with @J_Carroll7 while the rest of us our slaves at work (just kidding again – I f’n love my job.)

I don’t have a lot to say other than these two looked AMAZING.

I mean.

AMAZING

Contrary to popular opinion – I’m not a fan of pantsuits or one-pieces. But this outfit? Yes please. It was made to be worn by Kristen.

 

And Rob? Omfg Rob.

UNF

Lastly – and quite frankly most importantly.

This moment? Thank you London.

London we heart you.

And that is all from me for tonight – someone needs to draft my “oh hey I’m a twilight fan” post for my RL blog to explain to the masses why I will both be a recluse this weekend (hello – I plan on hiding out at the theatre ALL weekend) and why I’m depressed.

Because this shit will be happening.

Maybe not with dollar bills. But you know.

Until tomorrow xo

C

 

 

9 Cameras

note: as per usual, this is unbeta’d and un-medicated. meaning, I should probably take an ativan or two to deal with my feelings this week but you know, where’s the fun in that. 

disclaimer: i’m totally kidding. i’m gonna need some ativan and wine.

Last night I went into this whole last premiere thing pretty chill.

Basically me.

And it was everything we expected it to be and then some.

Yes. We bitched about the hosts. Yes. We bitched about all the C and D listers we really didn’t care about.

Yes. There were nine fucking cameras but you coulda fooled us.

Yes. Last night was everything we expected it to be – because it was a Twilight premiere. And when has that shit ever gone right?

Lest we forget Anya Marina?

But this.

this made up for everything

I honestly think my heart stopped and my breath caught when I first saw Kristen hit the carpet.

When these instagram shots appeared – I think we all died a little.

 

 

Her dress was amazing. 

Her makeup and hair? FLAWLESS.

I mean. UNF.

And then we saw Rob in his dashing green suit.

 

That lipstick stain on his lips…

 

my heart can’t handle this. seriously.

These two beautiful people are the same faces we saw walk the carpet years ago and then at the same time, they’re something entirely new.

They’ve evolved into absolute Hollywood stars.

MY HEART.

Their chemistry.

Their want.

Their everything.

Last night was two hours of complaining (9 cameras people) and one hour of absolute perfection in the form of the sexiest, most perfect couple on the planet. We laughed. We screamed. We face palmed. We cried.

We did it together.

Since day one, people have come and people have gone. But those of us who were apart of this last night – we’ve always been there. We’ve made it through the good and we’ve made through the bad. Breaking Dawn Part 2 talks about forever?

We’re in this forever.

And other movies will come and go. We’ll get sucked into another franchise. Fall in love with other actors and actresses.

No matter what. We will forever have this.

If it’s forever – I’m glad it’s been with all of you.

C

Only TWO more posts until go-time. Tomorrow night, we’ll recap tomorrow night’s London premiere. Thursday, I’ll post a quick pre-movie excited post between work and heading to the early pre-screening at 7pm (6:00pm EST) that I’ve scored tickets to thanks to a best friend’s awesome husband. Friday – we talk forever. xo

IT’S PREMIERE DAY

Sorry.

I’m excited.

Because it’s premiere day – which means I’m going to look like this ALL day.

excitement. stress. anxiety. want. FEELINGS.

This is it guys. This is the LAST ONE.

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that fact nor properly describe how I feel.

That’s why there’s a gif for that.

true story

I know what I want to happen tonight. I want so much R/K goodness that I cry tears of joy and the simultaneously curse being single and cry myself to sleep. Cause that’s normal. But it’s going to be THAT good that it’s totally fine. The promo leading up to this has just been so damn good – how could we NOT get the most epic premiere yet with these two.

For example. I’ve compiled several images from previous premieres that I would like re-created with an extra ZA ZA ZU.

The first move I call the –

“Rob Not So Subtly Stares at K’s Chest” move

Breaking Dawn London Premiere

 More chest staring at the Breaking Dawn London Premiere

Boob Staring in LA

 More Boob Staring in LA for the Eclipse premiere

Instead of all this chest staring – I would much prefer some full on chest attacking. On the carpet. Example?

yes please.

Next.

The “Lower Back Death Grip” move

LA Premiere of Eclipse

 More subtle death grip grab at Twilight LA Premiere

I would really like to see the death grip move applied more feverishly TBH. Example.

Lastly.

The “I’ll Never Let You Go” move.

Arms length at the LA Breaking Dawn premiere

Arms Length in London

Arms Length in LA at the Eclipse premiere.

In a perfect world, all of these brief moments of them not being attached entirely would lead this this beautiful example:

YES PLEASE.

So there you have it.

To be perfectly honest, as long as we get plenty of Rob and Kristen shots together and at least one obligatory cute family photo with Renesmee – I can move past this and happily say I got everything I wanted out of these premieres (minus the New Moon premiere where we got NO Rob and Kristen photos together but that movie / book sucked so there’s that.)

If Rob wants to just grab Kristen and kiss her on the carpet. That’s cool too.

Now let’s all meet on Twitter @ 7:30 EST and cry, flail, cry, flail, cry cry cry together?

Mmmkay?

C

hi. if you don’t follow me on Twitter @takemetobliss – you may not have noticed but I’m now locked. Send a follow request (i’ll approve just about anyone that doesn’t look like a psycho killer or justin bieber cult member) and we’ll get spend this awesome premiere night together. Cool? Cool.